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Old July 8th, 2009, 05:09 AM   #11
OoohYahhh Male
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Default Re: Psychological abuse at work (otherwise known as workplace bullying)

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Originally Posted by Sillykitty View Post
I do like the idea of waiting for the next thing to happen, because it will. Though what if the next thing is another false accusation, that doesn't necessarily clearly impair my ability to do my job?
Then wait.

Wait until you are fully prepared. It is about the perspective of your presentation when the time comes. Remember that the things your audience values are productivity, job skills, and profitablity. It is the pattern that makes the case for impairing those things.

Since are going for the double, you will need a situation, or set of related situations where they are both involved. You won't get a second shot. Hold your fire until you can take them both down.


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Somehow I need to educate HR about the reality and the negative consequences of psychological abuse, in such a way that they can clearly see it and understand, and without me coming off as a "whiner" or trouble maker".
Prepare a bibliography or reading list that you can give to your HR department after your presentation. Give it to them without others knowing so they can look like they did the research.

Find one or more of the other people who have written papers. You will definitely benefit from their professional advice. If you establish an ongoing relationship with any of them, you might even ask them to give your HR people a call after your presentation.

Meanwhile, use the time to your advantage. Make sure you are seen/noticed by the people you want to influence. The CEO, HR head, Operations director, whoever. Make sure you pass near them in the hall or cafeteria or wherever. Smile, make eye contact, say hello, let 'em get whiff of your sillage. Keep moving. At this point small talk might be be a little risky. You've got bigger fish to fry. You just want to make sure they know you are part of the team.

Stay calm. Be patient. Be prepared. You can take them.
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Last edited by OoohYahhh; July 11th, 2009 at 04:17 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old July 9th, 2009, 09:27 AM   #12
diane999 Female
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Default Re: Psychological abuse at work (otherwise known as workplace bullying)

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Originally Posted by Sillykitty View Post

I also found a copy of their definition of harassment, and they only have physical and verbal. I'm not sure if psychological abuse and bullying really fits, and they may be able to worm their way out of it because of that.
The problem with trying to build a case for purely psychological abuse is you have to show "intent" to cause psychological pain or harm. That is much harder than documenting verbal abuse or physical abuse, because "meaning" is very much a subjective thing unless it is so overwhelmingly clear that anyone would be able to immediately see it clearly.

What is your definition of bullying? And can you document it?

Diane
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Old July 9th, 2009, 09:41 AM   #13
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Default Re: Psychological abuse at work (otherwise known as workplace bullying)

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Originally Posted by Coleman View Post
Your link has some very good perspective on how to tell your story. One point I thought was not made strongly enough is to be ready to tell your story over and over. Consistently the same story with the same details. Repetition creates the perception of truth.
"Ooooyahhh"

I agree with this quote but even truth spoken in a non hostile manner over and over again can be dangerous. A lie can be believed but if someone tells the truth on the lie then the lie would weaken or the person telling gets bought off or harmed, etc...

As for workplace bullying I have done it years ago, something about those people just angered me but when it came to serious job production or a casual talk by my boss I stopped and just ignored them now I work in an environment that I no one who I work regularly with and I am cool with that. As for the Church there is nothing I do that requires me to meet with anyone longer than 16 hours a week and so no problems with people plus I like to think that I am older and more stable but natures can creep upon people even later in life.

In one of the rare times when I suffered bullying like being talked about and berated and taking the crap for a year I told the person "What did I do to you in a past life or this life that makes you disrespect me."
They said nothing soo after three weeks I made them angry by bringing up their habits and since they weren't my supervisor they came out with what wrong with me and I changed some of my ways which almost stopped the talking about me.
When the bothering started again I talked to them about it and dished it back out to them and due to problems beyond their control they left, prayer also helps too.

So in case I rambled to much here what I did was:
1. Confronted the person.
2. Got them mad so they said what they did not like about me.
3. Changed things about me.
4. Reconfronted them.
5. Prayed.
Very good! Often confrontation of the problem head on is the best solution. Confrontation, at first, should be done respectfully and without charged feelings, exactly as you did. Your second confrontation, on a more personal level, establishing a boundary for yourself with that person was completely appropriate, given the continued hostility from that person.

Following up by attempting to compromise by changing some of your behaviors was also a nice touch, Coleman. It is too bad that person wasn't able to appreciate that you made such an effort.

At that point further confrontation at a low level was appropriate also, imo, since the person's obnoxious behavior didn't seem to come up to the level needing management intervention, but it did establish once and for all that you aren't such a good target for bullying.

The kind of thing you did wasn't easy - it never is, but it is sometimes necessary. The only thing I would have changed is I would have done this immediately and not suffered for a year before doing it.

But it is all a learning process and it looks like you gained some very valuable skills there.

Diane
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Old July 10th, 2009, 03:28 PM   #14
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Default Re: Psychological abuse at work (otherwise known as workplace bullying)

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Originally Posted by diane999 View Post
The problem with trying to build a case for purely psychological abuse is you have to show "intent" to cause psychological pain or harm. That is much harder than documenting verbal abuse or physical abuse, because "meaning" is very much a subjective thing unless it is so overwhelmingly clear that anyone would be able to immediately see it clearly.

What is your definition of bullying? And can you document it?

Diane
Ignoring, lack of communication, not being able to order things I need to do my job (I have had to purchase things myself), accusations of incidents and behaviors on my part that never happened and that I can prove.

This has been ongoing, and I can prove some things, other things that don't have witnesses, I can give exact dates, or close to exact dates and remember in detail.

I strongly suspect that my supervisor has been "fed" stuff from my co-worker, who is slick, sly and smooth.

If I go after my supervisor (when a new incident occurs, which it will) then upon proving several of these incidents, hopefully she will realize where all her information has been coming from.

I plan to open a case of "harassment".
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Old July 10th, 2009, 07:41 PM   #15
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Default Re: Psychological abuse at work (otherwise known as workplace bullying)

Or you could ask "No Neck" Louie to stop by and apply a little "pressure".

Seriously, document, document, document.
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Old July 12th, 2009, 04:50 AM   #16
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Default Re: Psychological abuse at work (otherwise known as workplace bullying)

NEVER...EVER... take a job you are not willing to walk away from.
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Old July 12th, 2009, 05:28 AM   #17
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Default Re: Psychological abuse at work (otherwise known as workplace bullying)

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NEVER...EVER... take a job you are not willing to walk away from.
That may be easier said than done in this economy.

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Old July 12th, 2009, 06:21 AM   #18
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Default Re: Psychological abuse at work (otherwise known as workplace bullying)

The economy sucks now
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Old July 12th, 2009, 07:17 AM   #19
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Default Re: Psychological abuse at work (otherwise known as workplace bullying)

Its not abot the economy, its about empowerment. You are empowered as long as you are willing to walk away...the moment you become dependent...psychologically, not ecomomicly...on your job, they have the power...had you rather be a secure slave or a free and independent individual?
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Old July 12th, 2009, 08:25 AM   #20
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Default Re: Psychological abuse at work (otherwise known as workplace bullying)

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Its not abot the economy, its about empowerment. You are empowered as long as you are willing to walk away...the moment you become dependent...psychologically, not ecomomicly...on your job, they have the power...had you rather be a secure slave or a free and independent individual?
I'd rather suck it up while I have to in order to feed my kids and keep a roof over their head and clothes on their ungrateful little backs. That is also empowering.

Diane
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