PheroTalk

Wrlprchnx

  

Wow... This blog post on UrbanMonk was just so good I absolutely had to share it

Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Dani of Positively Present. Thanks Dani!

Often when people think about being happy, they think about the giddy, exhilarating feeling that comes with things like falling in love or getting a promotion or having a child. And that is happiness, but it’s only a kind of happiness. Happiness comes in so many different forms and it’s not always as easy to recognize as one might think. While I love that over-the-top feeling of joy I get when something exciting happens to me, I realize that it’s not the same as lasting happiness. In fact, I’m not sure if it’s the same thing as happiness in general.
As I was sitting here writing I decided to check out the definition of happiness. According to Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, happiness is “a state of well-being and contentment.” Lately I’ve been feeling very joyful, excited, and giddy and I’ve been claiming that this feeling is happiness, but is that really true? I cannot say that I am necessarily content because, to me, contentment is in opposition with the idea of excitement. I when I am content, I am at peace. When I am excited (as I have been lately), my mind and heart are racing. I may be joyful, but I am not necessarily content.
So it seems to me that for quite some time I’ve had an inaccurate perception of what it means to be happy. For so long, I’ve been seeking that head-over-heels happiness that comes with a rush of adrenaline and the novelty of something new and exciting, but, deep down, I know that’s not really what I’m looking for. And I realize that this may explain why I am often left feeling disappointed after the rush of joy I experience. It was great, wonderful, amazing – and then it’s over. And I find myself again searching for the next rush of joy, the next thing that will speed up my heart and make me wake up smiling. When I think about that kind of happiness, I realize that there is a beginning, a high, and then an end…and I don’t think that’s what true happiness is all about.
True happiness, as the definition states, is about well-being and contentment. True happiness is lasting. It’s not something that rushes by, filling you with so much excitement you think you could just burst. It’s something that stays, that hangs around for a long, long time, and that is there even when things aren’t going well. Happiness is an internal force that brings you to a place where you don’t need those rushes of joy, where you are content to just be. Knowing this is the first step in attaining this state of well-being, but it doesn’t make it any easier to actually get there.
I know I want that kind of happiness. In fact, I think I have it already within me, but I don’t yet always have the tools (or the mental focus) to access it. I get wrapped up in what’s happening right now – the good or the bad or the new – and push thoughts of lasting contentment to the back burner of my mind. I want to find that blissful state of contentment, to access that place in me where I know it’s resting and waiting, but it’s not always an easy thing to do. It really requires a lot of effort to find a peaceful sort of happiness, to make peace with happiness. Every day I’m thinking more about it and every day I’m striving more towards that goal of finding that true sort of happiness. In order to achieve that dictionary definition of happiness – that state of well-being and contentment – I’ve decided that I must do the following:

• Accept every situation for what it is.
• Avoid over-hyping situations.
• Take care of my body and mind.
• Find ways to cultivate inner peace.
• Live joyfully in the moment.
• Slow down and stop rushing around.

Once I work on these six things (and I will work on them every day!), I know I’ll be that much closer to understanding that true sense of happiness, the kind of happiness that will last, the kind of happiness that will bring me peace.

__________________
My Journal - Experiments in Smell

"I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. "
- Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Putative Summaries:
P99 P123 P124 P101A P101B

M&M

  

M&M's TRANSLATION: 'YOU' are responsible for your happiness. Never, ever, never ever! put your happiness in someone elses' hands. Make yourself happy ... SOLO, and allow others to add the spicing, which is so VERY WONDERFUL 'IF' it's from their heart!

IF you can ever master NOT TAKING THINGS PERSONAL ... that road of life becomes so much smooooooooooother!

P.S. IF society could stop living their lives according to others/movies/books, todays generic brand of LOVE will return that word's value back to its TRUE meaning.

__________________
What other people think of me ... is NONE of my business!

When you give from the HEART ... you're giving away TOP OF THE LINE stuff!

If you have nothing positive to say ... try duct tape!

The answer to MOST of YOUR problems is, more than likely, the reflection YOU see in the mirror.

If you are what you eat ... I'm fast, cheap and easy.

WildFlower

  

Yeah, I agree - great post. I find this video (as well as all other Adyashanti videos really helpfull)

YouTube- Causeless Happiness

__________________
Eckhart Tolle - "Worry pretends to be necessary, but serves no useful purpose"

Steve

  

I am ALPHA--rawr!

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Nick1254367

  

By asking "what is happiness" you ask a very good question. Recently I had my own shot at defining happiness, which aims to be more “scientific” and “objective” (as much as this is possible for a subjective feeling such as happiness):

“A person can be considered to have experienced a “happy” moment if the person chooses to re-live it as an end in itself if offered at no cost.”

For the detailed derivation of this conclusion please have a look at Definition of Happiness | SpreadingHappiness.org

What do you think about this definition?

Thank you,

Nick

tisha23

  

Great blog Nick. It really is a tough question. Some words are undefinable because they mean something different to everyone. Each person has a different perception to all emotions. Happiness is a emotion and emotions are really undefinable. They are felt and we can describe them but because what makes one person happy will not make another happy there is no definitive answer.

I can say what happiness is to me though.


I look at it in the context of Newtons Law. Every action has a equal and opposite reaction. Every emotion has a equal and opposite emotion. You cant have happiness without unhappiness. Perhaps the only way to define the emotion is to experience its opposite. How would anyone know what it is to feel happy if they have never felt unhappy ?

So to me, once both are experienced...... happiness is balance. Its experiencing life spontaneously without force or having no opposing force from the equal or the opposite reaction/emotion.

This leads me the the question your asked at the bottom of your blog about reliving a moment. My answer is I would relive every moment happy or unhappy because its the only way I can recognize happiness. Knowing this leads to consciousness.

Tisha

PS Sorry for the edit but your blog was so interesting it got me thinking

__________________
Yesterday is only a dream and tomorrow is only a vision; but today, well-lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope

Wrlprchnx

  

Good post Nick - I think you did a good job of defining how to evaluate a happy moment

If you look back at my OP you'll see the author talks about happy moments

The rest of the article is about lasting happiness - being happy between the moments - more of a resonating contentment...
Being truly happy means that you don't need those "happy moments" to feel an overall contentment - it means sitting on your couch at the end of a completely unremarkable day... and just feel good about being alive.

True happiness is a buffer against the bad days - happiness which comes from an internal place is inherently different than happiness derived from pleasant experiences because the internal happiness is stable... it can be stored and used when life takes you for a tumble. Happiness derived from pleasant moments is like cocaine - fills you with a rush, but after it's gone it leaves you empty and hungry for your next high.

I've talked alot about Internally validated confidence vs. Externally validated confidence in the past - the discussion on happiness follows a similar argument.
Externally based happiness requires constant feedback to keep the rush alive - take the feedback away and the whole house of cards falls down. Internally based happiness is a well you've built within yourself... when externalities cause pain you can continue to draw from the well - the better/deeper a well you have built, the more you can draw from it to help you get through bad times.

__________________
My Journal - Experiments in Smell

"I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. "
- Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Putative Summaries:
P99 P123 P124 P101A P101B