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Old February 7th, 2016, 11:28 PM   #1
TheAttractor Male
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Default I think I'm starting to understand why girls don't like nice guys.

I've come a long way since first joining this site, let alone earlier. One of the things I learned over the last 7 years is how women relate to men. Namely, women being are attracted to one type of guy and not other. No need to reiterate what, how, or why; this topic has been done to death on here, and many PUA forums too. However, not only that, for the first time in my life, I started to develop friendship feelings, rather than sexual feelings, toward girls I perceive as "nice".

One important thing to note is that the female counterpart of "nice guy" (not necessarily the same as NiceGuy(R)*, although there's some overlap) isn't "nice girl", but "wholesome girl". A wholesome girl will be nice to you and your friends, doesn't give off a sense of danger, and has commonly feminine traits. But at the same time, she almost seems "too good" of a person. After all, as humans, we all have a dark side. But you just don't see it in a wholesome girl any more than you do in a nice guy.

I know a few girls like that, like the one in my karaoke group. She's one of the sweetest girls you'll meet. I really like hanging out with her, but just don't have much in the way of romantic interest in her. My feelings toward girls like her are more like affection and comfort (think Est and P96 ), than true sexual interest (think ISexi/A and ISexi/B). By contrast, I also know girls who are equally sweet, but also have that little extra trait that goes slightly against their sweet persona, which makes them all the more intriguing, not to mention they tend to be much more fun to be around. Doesn't even be sexual fun, just the kind where you're smiling on the drive home. Which leads to romantic interest, the emotions of which I can control, if it's not reciprocated.

That's because over the years, I started liking girls with a big of a dark side and/or a mild flaw. A gothic-themed tattoo or even full-length sleeve tattoos, having shoplifted something as a teenager, an unusual interest (like trains, rare for most women), a messy apartment, poor boundaries on the dance floor (but stopping before going too far!), SOMETHING. It just makes them look and feel more human, and makes it much easier to relate to them. After all, I have a dark side of my own: a NiceGuy(R)-esque past, which I recovered from; acting a little off-the-wall when drunk; and occasionally engaging in dangerous hobbies, like flying small planes.

That said, there are flaws/dark sides that are absolute deal breakers for me. For example, bad with directions enough to get lost going 2 miles on one street, severe past criminal conviction, and drug use. If I find out something like that, then I either politely end things or ghost out, striking a balance between politeness and my safety.

I suppose one difference between men and women, is that I'd probably be able to somehow "convert" my feelings of affection and comfort toward a wholesome girl into sexual interest. Unlike women, whose feelings toward nice guys are far more rigid. And that's OK, as unfair as it may be; it's just evolutionary biology doing its work. Luckily, we at PheroTalk can harness that evolutionary biology for our own gain, thanks to Androtics products.

Of course, it's very easy to go too far in the opposite direction, where someone's dark side and flaws becomes their main personality. In which case, she'd become a bad person as a whole, effectively killing my attraction for her. But I won't date a girl who's a bad person any more than a mature girl will date a guy who's a bad person.

Thoughts? Agreements or disagreements? Comments?

________

* NiceGuy(R) refers to that kind of nice guy. Someone who becomes friends with girls and does favors for them, in hopes of sex/relationships down the road, then when it doesn't happen, gets angry and vents about it on the internet. That's not nice; that's covert manipulation. But I digress.
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Old February 8th, 2016, 04:17 AM   #2
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Default Re: I think I'm starting to understand why girls don't like nice guys.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAttractor View Post
I've come a long way since first joining this site, let alone earlier. One of the things I learned over the last 7 years is how women relate to men. Namely, women being are attracted to one type of guy and not other. No need to reiterate what, how, or why; this topic has been done to death on here, and many PUA forums too. However, not only that, for the first time in my life, I started to develop friendship feelings, rather than sexual feelings, toward girls I perceive as "nice".

One important thing to note is that the female counterpart of "nice guy" (not necessarily the same as NiceGuy(R)*, although there's some overlap) isn't "nice girl", but "wholesome girl". A wholesome girl will be nice to you and your friends, doesn't give off a sense of danger, and has commonly feminine traits. But at the same time, she almost seems "too good" of a person. After all, as humans, we all have a dark side. But you just don't see it in a wholesome girl any more than you do in a nice guy.

I know a few girls like that, like the one in my karaoke group. She's one of the sweetest girls you'll meet. I really like hanging out with her, but just don't have much in the way of romantic interest in her. My feelings toward girls like her are more like affection and comfort (think Est and P96 ), than true sexual interest (think ISexi/A and ISexi/B). By contrast, I also know girls who are equally sweet, but also have that little extra trait that goes slightly against their sweet persona, which makes them all the more intriguing, not to mention they tend to be much more fun to be around. Doesn't even be sexual fun, just the kind where you're smiling on the drive home. Which leads to romantic interest, the emotions of which I can control, if it's not reciprocated.

That's because over the years, I started liking girls with a big of a dark side and/or a mild flaw. A gothic-themed tattoo or even full-length sleeve tattoos, having shoplifted something as a teenager, an unusual interest (like trains, rare for most women), a messy apartment, poor boundaries on the dance floor (but stopping before going too far!), SOMETHING. It just makes them look and feel more human, and makes it much easier to relate to them. After all, I have a dark side of my own: a NiceGuy(R)-esque past, which I recovered from; acting a little off-the-wall when drunk; and occasionally engaging in dangerous hobbies, like flying small planes.

That said, there are flaws/dark sides that are absolute deal breakers for me. For example, bad with directions enough to get lost going 2 miles on one street, severe past criminal conviction, and drug use. If I find out something like that, then I either politely end things or ghost out, striking a balance between politeness and my safety.

I suppose one difference between men and women, is that I'd probably be able to somehow "convert" my feelings of affection and comfort toward a wholesome girl into sexual interest. Unlike women, whose feelings toward nice guys are far more rigid. And that's OK, as unfair as it may be; it's just evolutionary biology doing its work. Luckily, we at PheroTalk can harness that evolutionary biology for our own gain, thanks to Androtics products.

Of course, it's very easy to go too far in the opposite direction, where someone's dark side and flaws becomes their main personality. In which case, she'd become a bad person as a whole, effectively killing my attraction for her. But I won't date a girl who's a bad person any more than a mature girl will date a guy who's a bad person.

Thoughts? Agreements or disagreements? Comments?

________

* NiceGuy(R) refers to that kind of nice guy. Someone who becomes friends with girls and does favors for them, in hopes of sex/relationships down the road, then when it doesn't happen, gets angry and vents about it on the internet. That's not nice; that's covert manipulation. But I digress.
Well I might be in the minority but I would take a wholesome, emotionally mature women over one with a dark side. I'm sure the sex might not be as fun, but the drama in my life would probably be a hell of a lot less.
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Old February 8th, 2016, 07:42 AM   #3
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Default Re: I think I'm starting to understand why girls don't like nice guys.

I think you're misunderstanding what I meant by "dark side". It doesn't mean propensity to cause drama; in fact, I stay away from girls/women like that. "Dark side" means some quirky, imperfect trait that makes her well-rounded and fun, as opposed to just good. It's the difference between finding her intriguing, and simply feeling relaxed around her. Probably not too different from women preferring jerks over nice guys (broadly speaking), only I won't tolerate being treated poorly by a "fun" girl.

What's interesting is that 10 years ago, I also desired a mature, wholesome girl. Mainly because that's what society said I was supposed to want. I didn't have enough dating experiences to know what's fun and what's meh, so I pretty much went along with society's messages. But now, I realize that I like girls who are fun and exciting, even at the expense of wholesomeness.
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Old February 13th, 2016, 06:22 AM   #4
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Default Re: I think I'm starting to understand why girls don't like nice guys.

Yeah I think you nailed it; spontaneous vs ordinary. You don't have to be ethically immoral, cruel, dramatic, or hateful to have spontaneity; you just have to not be boring. Be different, be human, be real. Embrace your flaws.

The "wholesome nice" girl/guy thing is what is expected, people behave in a pattern than has been pre-designed by societal expectations, there is no room for creativity. It lacks interest.

It's why I think people create drama- just to have excitement, instead of just leading exciting lives by being interesting people.

But what do I know- I'm the girl that most of you would run from in a heartbeat.
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Old October 7th, 2016, 05:09 AM   #5
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Default Re: I think I'm starting to understand why girls don't like nice guys.

I think you're on to something here.
I definitely don't have the same sexual thoughts for a wholesome girl that I do for a slut.

Interestingly though I've played the nice guy before and have gotten plenty of action.
I can play the nice guy now with certain phero mixes and get more action than if I play the jerk.

I used to have a gf and all I tried to do was spoil her and she did the same for me.

I think we get terms confused nowadays. See when we say 'nice guy' we tend to think of a guy who happens to be really nice or nice all the time. But I think a more appropriate definition is a 'try hard' at being nice. Someone who is nice like they want you to know it.
I've always believed in being nice to people and being super nice to women never stopped them from utterly attacking me sexually. But I don't say I've been a try hard.
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Old October 7th, 2016, 05:11 AM   #6
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Default Re: I think I'm starting to understand why girls don't like nice guys.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyScientist View Post
Yeah I think you nailed it; spontaneous vs ordinary. You don't have to be ethically immoral, cruel, dramatic, or hateful to have spontaneity; you just have to not be boring. Be different, be human, be real. Embrace your flaws.

The "wholesome nice" girl/guy thing is what is expected, people behave in a pattern than has been pre-designed by societal expectations, there is no room for creativity. It lacks interest.

It's why I think people create drama- just to have excitement, instead of just leading exciting lives by being interesting people.

But what do I know- I'm the girl that most of you would run from in a heartbeat.

I totally agree with the creating drama for excitement thing.
I had a gal who would create some horrendous drama at my residence, perhaps to have exciting sex in the end, I don't know.

But I do want to know why most of us would run from you in a heartbeat.. Haha
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Old November 21st, 2016, 09:10 PM   #7
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Default Re: I think I'm starting to understand why girls don't like nice guys.

I have to be discreet, so if you don't understand, have somebody translate.
dirty south , never seen so many cute girls, with unbelievably, fat obnoxious assholes, just an observation.
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Old January 12th, 2017, 06:33 AM   #8
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Default Re: I think I'm starting to understand why girls don't like nice guys.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAttractor View Post
I've come a long way since first joining this site, let alone earlier. One of the things I learned over the last 7 years is how women relate to men. Namely, women being are attracted to one type of guy and not other. No need to reiterate what, how, or why; this topic has been done to death on here, and many PUA forums too. However, not only that, for the first time in my life, I started to develop friendship feelings, rather than sexual feelings, toward girls I perceive as "nice".

One important thing to note is that the female counterpart of "nice guy" (not necessarily the same as NiceGuy(R)*, although there's some overlap) isn't "nice girl", but "wholesome girl". A wholesome girl will be nice to you and your friends, doesn't give off a sense of danger, and has commonly feminine traits. But at the same time, she almost seems "too good" of a person. After all, as humans, we all have a dark side. But you just don't see it in a wholesome girl any more than you do in a nice guy.

I know a few girls like that, like the one in my karaoke group. She's one of the sweetest girls you'll meet. I really like hanging out with her, but just don't have much in the way of romantic interest in her. My feelings toward girls like her are more like affection and comfort (think Est and P96 ), than true sexual interest (think ISexi/A and ISexi/B). By contrast, I also know girls who are equally sweet, but also have that little extra trait that goes slightly against their sweet persona, which makes them all the more intriguing, not to mention they tend to be much more fun to be around. Doesn't even be sexual fun, just the kind where you're smiling on the drive home. Which leads to romantic interest, the emotions of which I can control, if it's not reciprocated.

That's because over the years, I started liking girls with a big of a dark side and/or a mild flaw. A gothic-themed tattoo or even full-length sleeve tattoos, having shoplifted something as a teenager, an unusual interest (like trains, rare for most women), a messy apartment, poor boundaries on the dance floor (but stopping before going too far!), SOMETHING. It just makes them look and feel more human, and makes it much easier to relate to them. After all, I have a dark side of my own: a NiceGuy(R)-esque past, which I recovered from; acting a little off-the-wall when drunk; and occasionally engaging in dangerous hobbies, like flying small planes.

That said, there are flaws/dark sides that are absolute deal breakers for me. For example, bad with directions enough to get lost going 2 miles on one street, severe past criminal conviction, and drug use. If I find out something like that, then I either politely end things or ghost out, striking a balance between politeness and my safety.

I suppose one difference between men and women, is that I'd probably be able to somehow "convert" my feelings of affection and comfort toward a wholesome girl into sexual interest. Unlike women, whose feelings toward nice guys are far more rigid. And that's OK, as unfair as it may be; it's just evolutionary biology doing its work. Luckily, we at PheroTalk can harness that evolutionary biology for our own gain, thanks to Androtics products.

Of course, it's very easy to go too far in the opposite direction, where someone's dark side and flaws becomes their main personality. In which case, she'd become a bad person as a whole, effectively killing my attraction for her. But I won't date a girl who's a bad person any more than a mature girl will date a guy who's a bad person.

Thoughts? Agreements or disagreements? Comments?

________

* NiceGuy(R) refers to that kind of nice guy. Someone who becomes friends with girls and does favors for them, in hopes of sex/relationships down the road, then when it doesn't happen, gets angry and vents about it on the internet. That's not nice; that's covert manipulation. But I digress.
I feel like there needs to be some sort of balance!

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